Becoming a limo driver/ dealing with depression (July 2013 - March 2015)

  

My career at SGT was over and boy did it ever hurt. The only thing that took the focus off of me was the fact that the Music Pastor announced he was leaving as well. The announcement about both of us leaving was on the same Sunday. I wanted nothing more than to get a position as a children's pastor at another church. So, in the meantime I took a job driving for a limo company. I already had this job in October 2012 part time to help pay bills and worked Saturdays, Sunday evenings and Mondays. I called my boss and told him I would be available 6 days a week. And, I also told him I would probably only be working for him for maybe 3 months tops. Boy, was I way off. It would actually be 20 months!
Working as a limo driver was tough. You wake up at 3 am, drive total strangers to the airport and then you wait for your next job. You are all alone. I spent hours and hours at JFK airport in the limo lot. LaGuardia airport had no limo lot so I spent hours at a Burger King parking lot on Astoria Blvd. It was a very tiring job and honestly, I hated it. I hated being alone. It gave me way too much time to think. Without getting into details, my thoughts were not godly. I was angry. Angry at myself, angry at the church and angry with God. I wanted nothing more than to get hired by a church but deep down I knew I needed to heal. All I ever knew was how to minister to kids. The hours driving were long. You would get home at 8 at night and then eat, go to bed and do it all over again the next day. I hardly had any time with my family but I needed to work to pay bills. The company I worked for, TranStar Executive were very demanding with their drivers. I had to beg them to let me come in later one day a week so I could get some rest. They were always asking me to come in early telling me "we have no one else." The job was wearing me out. I was frustrated but my only hope was that maybe a church would hire me.
    I admit I was very cocky. I truly believed a church would hire me. After all, I was told I was the "Greatest Children's Pastor on the Planet." Who wouldn't want to hire me with my many years of experience! I applied to many churches. Big churches...little churches. Churches in NY, NJ PA, FL, CA, TX, CO...anywhere. Surely any church would call me, interview me, be extremely impressed with me? I discovered that it was ALOT harder than I thought. In the one year that I applied to churches, I only had four interviews. Just four. Three were in Pennsylvania and one was in New York. My very last interview was on the phone in May 2014 at a church in Staten Island. I honesty thought I had a shot. They asked me to call to set up a meeting with the pastor. I remember being in Manhattan driving my town car. When I called to set up an appointment with the pastor, the secretary answered and said they already hired someone. I was angry and in my car starting yelling at God. "What are you doing, God? Are you mad at me?" I actually thought that He was mad at me. The very next day was when I decided to no longer pursue any position. I became very depressed. My depression was not clinical, but truthfully an overwhelming feeling of sadness. I thought my life was over. Fast forward to July that year. I started having nightmares and twice thought I was having a nervous breakdown. I came very close to checking into Stony Brook Hospital's Psych ward, but I didn't.  I thank God for a godly Mom who prayed with me and for me. She always told me to keep my eyes on the Lord. The best advice I ever had! I did take meds for the depression which helped immensely.
   I started looking for other jobs and had interviews with Walmart (which pays nothing) and also applied as an Event planner with a company. God had other plans. In August, I started attending Middle Island Baptist Church. I was attending True North before that but found that there were former disgruntled SGT attenders now going there. They would gather at the end of the service to complain about SGT. I wanted no part of that! I attended Middle Island Baptist for about a year and made friendships there that will last a lifetime. I will forever be grateful to Pastor Lenny and Kathleen for treating me like family and helping me during my challenging season. I learned a lot about myself and wanted nothing more than to grow in the Lord. As the calendar changed to 2015, I did not know that the New Year would become a year of changes and growth. After a lot of prayer and pleading with God, my limo career came to an end in March 2015! I was hired to work at TruGreen Lawn Care as a Sales Rep. God was answering my prayers and showing me He is NOT mad at me but He has a plan for me!

UNTIL NEXT TIME      

3 challenging months

DISCLAIMER:
As I write this blog, my intent is in no way to bash my past employer, Smithtown Gospel Tabernacle or to criticize any member of my family. My 22 years on staff at SGT were amazing and I continue to pray for the pastoral staff and the leadership there. What happened 5 1/2 years ago is over with and done. Thank you.


   As I mentioned in my previous blog, I knew God had something big in store for me. I just didn't know when or where. In 2013, I started feeling very bored. I had been doing the same ministry for 22 years and wanted a new challenge. I started writing curriculum for our children's church that we called Kidz for Christ and also enjoyed making videos each week for the kids. Then the worst day of my life occurred. Let's just say that my senior pastor and I had a huge misunderstanding that spiraled out of control. I do not wish to share what was said to me in his office on April 11, 2013 nor do I wish to dwell on it. What happened 5 1/2 years ago is over with and done. What I will say is that I went into complete shock, I walked home to my house that was near the church and almost threw up in my kitchen sink. Deep down in my heart I knew my career at SGT was coming to an end. It was not the way I wanted it to end. I always dreamed about leaving SGT on a high note. Maybe even being able to preach my final sermon to the congregation. It turned out instead to be 3 challenging months. I truthfully don't remember very much that happened. Not only was I in shock, I became deeply depressed. I didn't sleep much and when I did I was on the couch watching TV. I wanted to laugh but I couldn't. I even went on www.churchstaffing.com and looked for a position. The very first church I contacted called me! I thought "Wow! This is going to be easy!" Little did I know I would experience ALOT of rejection from churches for 2 years!
      My very last time ministering was at the Smithtown Christian School Chapel service. My favorite activity!! I spoke at Grandparents Day in the sanctuary. Little did I know it would be the very last time I would do anything at the church. I was completely shut down by the leadership and again I don't remember a lot that occurred between April - July 2013. I remember a few meetings, I remember building a float for the Memorial Day, I remember my van breaking down on Brooksite Drive, and I remember packing up my office and house and having a yard sale. And I remember moving into my in laws house thinking it would only be temporary. It was not! My world was caving in. Everything was a blur. I thought my life was over...but it wasn't!
My last month at SGT felt like forever. My last Sunday there was July 21st. I shared with the congregation that my family and I were seeking what God had for us next, That was not the truth. I had no clue where we were going and put a phony smile on my face. I'm sure the pain I had inside was hidden for a few but obvious to some. The church gave my family and I a going away party that was scheduled in a small fellowship room. Because of the enormous turnout and support, the party was moved to a bigger room. All I remember about that party was the first 3 people walked up to me as I stood greeting people and said, "Something is not right here." I put that phony smile back on my face and said "No, everything is fine." I may have been a great actor with Grandpa Lou but that day I wasn't. Even a guy I went to High School with came and asked repeatedly "Where are you going, Dave." I had to walk away not only because I was annoyed, but because I had to hide my pain. I didn't know where I was going.
I do remember driving away after that party and feeling a heavy weight fall off me. I still shudder as I think about those 3 challenging months I had back in 2013. Little did I know then that God was about to take me on a huge adventure that I am still on 5 1/2 years later that I am happy to share with you.

SEE YOU NEXT TIME        

WHERE IT ALL BEGAN August 2011 - March 2013

Where it all began? Don't worry! I'm not going to go as far back as February 18, 1964 back in Overlook Hospital in Summit, NJ where I was born. I also won't mention growing up in NJ, moving to Long Island when I was 9 years old, graduating High school in 1982, attending Northeastern Bible College or getting hired at Smithtown Gospel Tabernacle in 1991. It all began for me at Friend, Nebraska in 2011. Friend, Nebraska? Yes!!

In 1996, I developed a program to teach young preteen aged kids about missions I later called Kids in Missions. I was able to write a curriculum but also had the privilege of taking these kids with my to do ministry. They learned drama as well as puppet ministry. 15 years after starting this program, I had the privilege of taking 6 kids and 4 adults with me to Friend, Nebraska to help a church, Friend Christian Assembly to run a Vacation Bible School program. Nebraska is a beautiful state and very peaceful. There are a lot of cornfields and a lot of cornfields. Truthfully, there really isn't a lot to do. It's very flat and very hot. Most of the townspeople spend the afternoon at the pool. Farmers are seen out in their fields in the heat gathering corn and other veggies. 

Early one morning, I went for a walk. All around me were cornfields. I was feeling very peaceful and relaxed. It was that morning in August 2011 that I heard God's voice speak to me. It was of course not like the movie "Field of Dreams" but it was His still small voice that said to me "Dave, I have something big for you to do." At that point in my ministry, I was feeling like my time at Smithtown was coming to an end. I had been on staff 20 years and truthfully felt like I had accomplished a lot. I was getting bored. Hearing that from God gave me excitement and something to look forward to. Little did I know that my life would change just 2 years after that. It was not what I planned, but God wanted to do a work in me.

When I returned home I shared what God had said to me in Friend, NE with a few of the pastors including the senior pastor. My hope was that they would share in my excitement and maybe give me some direction. I inquired about a position that was available at SGT, the Young Adults Pastor, but was told my gifting's were with the children and to stay with that. Truthfully, during that season in my life I was frustrated. I was not given any opportunities to preach. I appreciated being asked to share at the Smithtown Christian School chapel services but I was longing to use my talents on a Sunday morning. It never happened. When my daughter graduated from the Christian school in 2012, I was hoping they would ask me to be the keynote speaker but again, I was ignored.

I felt like an outsider and began to question where I fit in. I seriously hated just going through the motions of ministry. I was dying to have a new challenge. I would many times daydream about having anew opportunity somewhere else and helping a church start a new children's ministry but it was not God's plan. When the calendar year changed from 2012 to 2013 I did not know it would be the most difficult year of my life. I'll save that for next time.

SEE YOU NEXT TIME

       

It's been 5 years, 4 months and 15 days

Yes! My last blog was 5 years, 4 months and 15 days ago on April 19, 2013. Obviously, a lot has happened in my life since then. Just 8 days before that date on 4/11/13 my world was turned upside down as I was asked to resign a pastoral position I held for over 22 years. The purpose of this blog is NOT to bash people or complain about what has taken place in my life in the past, but to give God all the glory He deserves for how He has always been there for me through thick and thin.
This blog is brand spanking new and I've entitled it "Telling it like it is" which is a takeoff and saying of the late sportscaster from Monday Night Football Howard Cosell. I did a character for the kids which is on YouTube who I called Coward Bosell. My goal for this blog is to keep you posted on my journey in life since 2013 and how God has opened doors, closed doors, helped me with depression, carried me through challenging jobs and taught me so much about myself. I also will be sharing perspectives and fun stuff as well. I pray each week as I blog you will see it is in no way me or anything I have done, but God who has carried me all the way!! If you know me, you know I absolutely love to write!!
                                       SEE YOU NEXT WEEK