A TALE OF 2 TIES

      Happy Father's Day to all the Dads out there! Let me begin this log by giving a disclaimer. I am in no way looking for sympathy nor am I crying the "Poor Me's." I am merely expressing my heart as well as giving my opinion. If you have been praying for me, thank you! If I didn't know Jesus as my Savior and have great friends, I would have definitely been living at Pilgrim State or Bellview these last eight years. I appreciate it a whole lot. When you go through tough times, you always know who your true friends are! Thank you friends and family!

     Father's Day has been difficult for me since 1995. My father went to be with Jesus on Father's Day. I miss him! He had a great sense of humor just like mine. There are days I wish I could ask for his advice on things. Our family misses him dearly. Since then I have tried to celebrate that day with my kids and it has always been a struggle. Especially since 2013 when I resigned from Smithtown Gospel Tabernacle. I even spent one Father's Day 3 years ago in the ER with painful kidney stones. That certainly was not a fun day to remember. I have 4 kids as many of you know. After I went through my hell at SGT in 2013, my relationship with my 2 eldest kids went south unfortunately. Even writing about it hurts. I wish I could take a magic wand and heal it right away. There is a lot of hurt, anger and bitterness and I realize that takes time to heal. I really don't want to rehash the whole thing because quite frankly I am tired of rehashing my last 3 months at SGT. It hurts! It hurts me that only one leader there has reached out to me in 8 years. That hurts. I guess I should never expect that. It hurts that my kids were affected my my forced resignation. I think about it everyday and plead with God to remove the hurt. I can't even drive past my old parsonage without getting emotional. I have no desire to enter that church building or school. Recently, a friend asked me to watch part of the SGT service on You Tube and wanted my opinion. I'm sorry I did. I watched maybe 2 minutes and quite honestly I felt sad. Not because I'm not here anymore but because I felt the worship was depressing. I did not sense the presence of God whatsoever in any part of the service. I was creeped out. Just my opinion.

     So what is my Tale of 2 Ties? When my 2 eldest kids Jordan and Kaylee were in Preschool, they gave me a Father's Day gift. Pictured above are tie bookmarks they gave me which I have held onto for well over 20 plus years. It has always meant the world to me that they took the time to make these for me. I also have a rock paper weight my son Tyler made for me and a Valentine's Day heart card my daughter Kassie made for me. Tyler's rock is by my TV and Kassie's heart is on my wall over my TV. As I mentioned before my relationship with my 2 older kids went south. We barely speak to each other. When we do it's awkward. I would do anything to see it healed. For many years I have kept their tie bookmarks in my devotional I read daily called "Daily in Christ" by Neil T. Anderson. They are tied together to always remind me to pray for reconciliation. I have held onto these bookmarks all these years and it's a reminder to me to pray daily for my kids. If they are reading this, I want them to know I love them and want nothing more to work out our differences. I miss them terribly. I pray every day for a healing in our relationship. Father's Day for me these last few years has honestly just been another Sunday. I am not looking for sympathy nor am I trying to cry on anyone's shoulder. I just want to see a healing in my relationship with my kids. Instead of taking out my 2 younger one's for dinner, I hope one day it will be all 4 kids. In the meantime, I will just continue to trust God knowing He will make a way when there seems to be no way. I will hold onto that promise as well as the 2 ties that sit inside my devotional. If there is one thing I have learned it is this. God is in control! He will never let me down! 

One last thing! If you don't have a good relationship with your Dad, make it right today. If your Dad is no longer with us, trust me when I say "I feel your pain." 

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!