OCTOBER

     At first I wasn't planning on writing a blog this week or for some time. This has been a tough season for me in my life. I decided to go for it in spite of my frustrations. It's not going to be a long blog but as always, it's me sharing and bearing my heart!

     Historically, October has not been a good month for me. It really started in 1992 when I started doing a huge festival at my church on Halloween that we called the Fall Fun Fest. Our goal was to make it an alternate to Halloween and allow kids to come to our church in a safe environment. We had castle bounces, face painting, carnival games, we gave away free candy and door prizes. We also sold food and had a Bible character costume contest. That always made me laugh because I never knew Scooby Doo was in the bible! There are many churchgoers who did not agree with us hosting this event. "Why are you recognizing a Satanic holy day? Halloween should not even be celebrated by Christians!" The complaints never stopped! We simply told these folks we were just trying to create a safe environment for kids and what better place than our own church property. Yes, I do agree it is a Satanic holiday. If you did the research you would see that it's true. Running that event was a challenge. I can't begin to tell you the attacks I had from the enemy on me, my family and my marriage. It was endless. My kids got sick some years, and other years the town made is take our signs down promoting the event. One year our sign was stolen. In my heart, I could just sense the evil that surrounded that month and what lead up to October 31st. Many years ago, The head of the Satanic Church moved to Long Island and planted Satanic Churches. That's disgusting but true. I ran the Fall Fun Fest from 1992 to 2011. I always had a sigh of relief when it was over but I always had joy in my heart knowing that lives were touched and parents and kids were happy.

     This October has been a rough one as I said. As I share this, please know I am not looking for sympathy nor am I crying the "Poor me's." I am heartbroken. I found out via an email that my ex wife and 4 kids are moving to Florida. I don't want to get into the legalities of it all. It's a reality. And ironically, you guessed it. they are moving on October 31st. All I can say is that for the past 7 weeks since I have heard this I have been extremely sad, hurt, speechless and discouraged. Some days after waking up I don't even want to get out of bed or go to work. I have been forcing myself to keep busy knowing that this is reality. Trying to pray is hard but I force myself to pray. I do feel like I'm in an episode of the Twilight Zone. I'm going to miss my kids A LOT! My only hope before they leave is to be able to meet with my two older kids who still do not speak to me. 

     On November 1st things will be different. I realize that. It's time for me to focus on myself. I have some huge decisions to make. One big decision is getting out of New York. I was only here because of my kids. Although I do like the church I attend, I'm not on staff with them. I know I can get a job at any Chick Fil-a or Home Depot. My goal is by next spring. I don't know where yet but I do believe my time here in NY is coming to a close. In spite of all that I am going through, I do have a peace. Like I told one of my dear friends."If I didn't know the Lord,I would probably be a resident at Pilgrim State!" I know God is on my side.I appreciate family and friends who support me. My dear Mom is my biggest cheerleader!

  I will not be blogging for the next month and I will be taking a break from social media for a while. I might post the costume I am wearing at Chick Fil-a on October 30th to work but that's it. I need a break and  need to focus on me. Thank you all for reading and I will blog again mid November!